Greetings Friends and Audience- Yes I am building an audience… this is a new realization for me. I thought I was building community here and I am in many ways yet this blog and the media that I create is also to build an audience. Thanks for reading.
The spring storms have awoken my body from the winter’s slow movements. Like water moving downstream I am flowing now feeling free and touching the boundaries of possibility. I noticed I was bored – no tasks on my task list, pending chores mostly done, “I’ll sweep again later” I mused noticing tracks of mud from my shoes in the laundry room. I made a pot of tea, brought in the tiny tea cups… What can I do now?
There comes a moment for me each seasonal shift where my adjusting feels clunky. “Here I am” touching my arms bringing my awareness back to my body. What is my capacity to sit in this energy? Avoidance, distraction are so familiar “I see this now” “There is awareness in not being aware” How interesting to remove “I” from the experience. Mindlessness, avoidance, distractions have helped me get through some great suffering… noticing this too. I share my ramblings with you as a reminder that there is purpose in boredom and avoidance and noticing these experiences is an opportunity to ask, “What’s happening in our body?” “What are we feeling?” Maybe there are no words to describe the feeling, I’ve been feeling this lately. Yet there is an experience, a felt sense of feeling. A feeling, like a guiding force coming through me. I notice it sometimes, sometimes it’s too heavy, sometimes I ignore it, sometimes it feels like clarity.
Last night there was a big storm building- the air was creepy calm, the feeling like being in the clouds an also at the edge of a lake. I was really afraid walking to my car that a big tornado was going to drop in and end what I experience- mostly gratitude, some suffering. I used my phone to call an text my closest people letting them know that I was afraid and talking with them even if briefly helped me regulate through the anxiety. There was a moment again of clarity. I was not alone, I asked for connection and was met with connection through my suffering. “Oh, this is healing” There was and is space for these feelings to inform me.
The moments of fear, anxiety, boredom, not knowing and still feeling… how might each together, separate, mixed up masses of parts colliding… How might these bring in clarity? Do I need to stay still in the suffering or what would some kind of movement bring?
Noticing how the dragonflies’ wings are unfurling, curing- building the ability to become fully. Does the dragonfly question it’s becoming? From my eyes a seemingly brief moment of boredom, maybe even suffering and yet it is what it is, a pause in becoming, a necessary part of the process- subtle movement in spreading those wings.
There is a gift in witnessing a reemerging… I’m curious what is emerging for you in this season?
These thoughts came through during the geomagnetic storms between 5/11/24-5/13/24.
Photo by Lisa Ramirez
